Stay alive
by Verity29
Summary: Katniss thought she knew Haymitch. Her drunken & crazy mentor. When the time of the 75th quarter quell arrives, Katniss is in trouble. But this time volunteers are not allowed. Will it be Haymitch, or Peeta? Slightly OOC and AU. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

_Prologue_

_I squeezed my eyes closed as the translucent cylinder ascended into the unknown world of the arena. This is it Katniss, you and him, up against the world. And there I was. The cornucopia gleaming in front of me. I didn't pay attention to my surroundings like I should. My eyes swivelled around the circle, remembering all the people who were now going to die. I searched for him. But before my eyes could meet his, I was suddenly aware of the commentator's voice._

"_Welcome to the annual Quarter Quell. Enjoy yourselves. Oh – and may the odds EVER be in your favour." That was it. I stood dumbfounded, urging my legs to move. _

"_Katniss run!" And my legs took off towards the forest. I felt the wind in my face, the ground beneath my feet – and Haymitch's hand slip into mine. _


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n Heya, this is my first Hunger Games fanfiction. I decided to have a Haymitch one because I've always had a soft spot for him ;) So here it is, I hope you enjoy and please review.**

Chapter 1. Tour of tortures… here I come!

Sometimes if you want something really badly … you can have it. But you have to actually believe that you want it to receive it. That's what my father used to tell me – every night before I went to sleep. I told Prim it on the day of her very first reaping.

The day when her single name was selected from thousands of others.

The day I volunteered to die.

"But you didn't die did you?" Haymitch had urged. Maybe I didn't die physically. But Haymitch knew well enough, that being the surviving tribute isn't winning.

It means your entire life is over.

I'd never really understood what it meant – I only properly deciphered it when I grabbed that handful of poisonous berries alongside Peeta Mellark. Preparing to commit the unthinkable. Beat the capitol.

All those people, Glimmer, Cato, Thresh, foxface and … Rue. The list goes on. But I now have to endure meeting the families of the lost on the victory tour, and for the first time ever, another tribute has to too. Peeta, the one who everyone believes I am passionately in love with. I don't know how I really felt about him during our time together within the Hunger Games. But _he_ did – It wasn't pretence for him, he really did have feelings for me. But I just don't know who to understand – who to believe anymore. That's what the games do to you, trust is out of the question when it comes to being the winner. Especially as I, Katniss Everdeen, 'the girl on fire', who now has apparently defied the capitol - was in big trouble. The same Katniss Everdeen who just found out she had to marry Peeta Mellark in order to keep her family alive.

I was trudging back down to our new home in the Victor village. I'd escaped for some peace after Haymitch informed me of my fate. And what's worse, the victory tour starts later on today and I have to 'pretend' to be in love with Peeta once again. But I didn't know if it was pretence now – I wasn't sure what it was anymore. But ever since I'd received the sinister phone call from President Snow this morning, it looked like I was going to have to try and be even more in love. Even I couldn't work that one out.

When I arrived home, the house was in total chaos. My mother was flying from room to room cooking food, arranging flowers. I caught a glimpse of Prim's hair and blouse flying past. I groaned when I entered my bedroom to find my eccentric prep team armed with things that looked like weapons – to prepare my body. I looked around for Cinna, without result.

"Where's…" I began.

"He'll arrive later." Interrupted Octavia. The only person I actually wanted… wasn't here. Fantastic.

After a few hours had heaved past – my prep team pronounced me 'decent'. I was released, and I began to wander aimlessly around the house. '_Hurry up Cinna_' I thought impatiently. As if on cue, he emerged from the anarchy of people. I flung my arms around him.

"Hey sweets." He whispered.

"I've missed you Cinna. A lot." I said breathlessly.

"I've missed you too. I've brought YOUR designs for your talent." He replied.

"Thanks Cinna, it means a lot you know." He swatted me with his hands. He dragged me into my bedroom, which had been transformed into a gallery. My breath caught when I saw the designs.

"Cinna these really are magic. They're stunning, bewildering, radiant…"

"Zip the lip Katniss. Now listen, you need to memorize every detail of YOUR designs." With that, he began to talk me through every single one of the designs. When he finished, he ushered me over to Effie Trinket, a vague smile twitching on his lips.

"Katniss, Katniss, Katniss!" Exclaimed Effie dramatically. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey Effie." She pecked me on both cheeks.

"We have a big, big, big, big, big, big, _BIG _day ahead of us, and I just need to run over the schedule ok? So it starts with you and Peeta and then…" I groaned, and began to zone out. My eyes caught sight of a figure staring intently in my directions, I focused on the person. To my surprise, it was Haymitch. He was clutching his liquor bottle, which was nothing special. What really stunned me was the look on his face. The intensity of his stare. I dropped my eyes abruptly. I'd never seen Haymitch look like that before. It was quite un-nerving, yet slightly alluring at the same time.

When Effie finally brought her speech to a close, she handed me back over to Cinna, who dressed me up in a with a spectacular sequin dress. But I wasn't bothered about the dress; I just couldn't get Haymitch's piercing green eyes out of my head. Time passed, and I was just about to step out the door when someone's body heat brushed against mine.

"Go get them sweetheart."

**a/n Ok so how was that? I know it's short, but the chapters will lengthen when I start getting properly into the fanfiction. And yes I made Haymitch's eyes green! I've always found green an interesting eye colour. I hope you enjoyed and please review, because I love reading opinions and… I'll update faster ;) **

**~Verity~**

**Ps. Oh and sorry about the _awful _chapter name but I couldn't think of anything else!**


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n sorry, I know this took some time to upload, but I've been held up. So sorry for the delay and enjoy!**

Chapter 2 Grin and bear it.

_Haymitch_

Katniss. Katniss. Katniss. Her name pounded in my head, cluttering up my unconscious mind. What was it about her that managed to worm inside my head and force me to constantly think of only her?

Ever since the games, things had been different. Very different. For example the boy, Peeta Mellark had definatley _not_ forgiven me about sending the sponsors to Katniss. But that's what every mentor has to do. They have to choose the best and focus on only keeping them alive. And unfortunately for our friend Peeta, Katniss overpowered him. The question is, am I actually glad that they both won? Or am I, the alcoholic, greasy, Haymitch a selfish coward? Too ashamed to face him. And he knew it too. So it didn't help when he refused to even make eye contact with me. Kids can be so difficult these days.

He wasn't an idiot, that kid. He'd known from the start that Katniss was the one. She overruled him by far.

But that wasn't really the problem. I just needed to understand why I'd felt pain, every time Peeta and Katniss had put on another spectacle of their 'star-cross lovers' act. And how difficult I'd found it to reveal Katniss' grim future with Peeta. The facts were so blatant,

Katniss loves the village boy, Gale.

Peeta loves Katniss.

Gale loves Katniss.

I love Katniss.

Seems like she's got a bit of a fan club.

_Katniss_

My eyes met the glare of flashing cameras, I blinked my eyes nervously. I could see Peeta's figure at the end opposite me.

"Here we go again." I hissed through my gritted teeth. I hurtled towards him, and flung my arms around him. I looked up at him, his mouth was turned up into a practiced smile but his eyes were dead and pained.

"Katniss." He murmured romantically, loud enough for the press to pick up. He leant down slowly, and crashed his lip down onto mine. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. For Peeta, the passion was there, the love was there. For me there was absolutely nothing.

I stood staring out the window, the trees and the fields darting past in a blur. We were on the train headed to district 11. The first district of the victory tour. I couldn't bear the thought of looking into the eyes of Rue's family. She could've lived too. I was just too late. And then there was Thresh, who spared my life. This was going to be a tough one. I felt the presence of someone not to far from my back. Predicting it to be Peeta, I span round, unsure of what to say. But to my surprise my eyes met Haymitch's. He was approximately a meter away from me, piercing me with his stare. I remembered the way he'd look at me earlier and shuddered.

"Hello Haymitch." I greeted, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"How are you holding up?" He grunted, flopping down onto one of the delicate arm chairs. He began pouring himself a drink. I wrinkled my nose at the unpleasant stench.

"So, so." I muttered vaguely.

"That's not a fantastic answer." He sighed. I felt my temper flare.

"Well what did you expect me to say? 'All good Haymitch, so looking forward to meeting two bereaved families, glad to remember Thresh saving my life! Rue standing by me before meeting her untimely death! Jeez Haymitch I at least expected you to understand how I feel!" I yelled. He looked slightly taken aback, before hastily recomposing his features.

"Sweetheart, I blotted out those memories a long time ago. And the idea of revisiting them hasn't exactly tickled me pink. But I've got to keep myself together, for the pair of you." He murmured, his words slurring slightly between each other. "Come sit down." He patted the frilly arm chair opposite him. Katniss hesitantly perched on the edge of the seat, avoiding Haymitch's eyed.

"Now you listen to me girl, and listen hard. This is what you and Peeta both need to do. You need to get ready for the quarter quell. You're gonna teach the tributes as much as you can, you have to remember that there lives are depending on sponsorships. By doing this you have to erase the entire period of time that contained the Hunger Games. I tried it, and failed. So I resolved to this." He gestured to the glass in his hand. "And I got through it somehow. But I still have the nightmares. Nothing ever quite leaves your mind, but during the day you're both going to have to get a grip, grin and bear it."

**a/n Ok so I know that wasn't the longest and most exciting chapter in the world, but bear with me, I'm getting there. I'm going to try my best to update as evenly as possible but no promises. Despite the length and delay, I hoped you enjoyed it and please review ! Thanks :P  
~Verity~**

**Ps I had no idea what to call this fanfic so I started off with "Never before him" Then I went to "Sing to me" But I've finally settled on "Stay alive" I promise I won't change it again! ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Suzanne Collins owns 'The hunger games' trilogy.**_

Chapter 3. Why not?

_Katniss_

Grin and bear it. Haymitch's words kept swirling round my head, which wasn't doing me any favours. In a desperate attempt to distract myself, I decided this was probably a good time to face Peeta. I hovered hesitantly outside his door. Grin and bear it Katniss.

Grin and bear it.

I tapped softly on his door.

"Peeta? It's me. Can I come in?" My voice sounded strained and out of place. It was silent for a long time. I was just turning around when I heard him respond hoarsely.

"Come in." I nudged the door open, and slid into his room. It was dimly lit inside; it took my eyes a few moments to focus. Then I saw them. His paintings.

When Peeta and I were trying to find our talents, it turned out Peeta actually did have a talent. He'd brought out his artistic style, and his works really were stunning.

Scattered around his room were vivid depictions of the arena. Rue in the trees, foxface in the Cornucopia, Cato in the bushes, Shimmer darting through the woods. But what chilled me the most was that the majority of his paintings contained me. Pointing my bow and arrow, looking down at him, hunting, lighting the fires.

"Peeta, why have you painted all of these? Don't they, I mean, don't you feel as if you're reliving… _it, _when you paint them?" I whispered, totally shaken. He emerged from the shadows, frowning. He shrugged stiffly.

"It helps." He responded bemusedly. I suddenly remembered the reason I'd come.

"Peeta, I don't know what to say to you. I don't know if I feel the same way for you or not!" I gushed. Why oh why do I always have to leap into the things like that? Peeta's features became stony.

"You either do or you don't Katniss. I wish that you will just make up your mind, and put me out of my misery!" He replied, his tone completely emotionless.

"But either way we have to be together."

"What do you mean?" He murmured. My throat swelled.

"I mean, that we're in it for life now. If we make any flaw in our pretence, both of our families are screwed. President Snow told me that there have been signs of uprisings in district 8." Peeta's eyes widened.

"When did he see you, why didn't you tell me? You and Haymitch have been keeping things from me again haven't you?" He demanded his voice harsh. My eyes swam.

"It's not like that Peeta."

"Well what is it then? Because the way I see it, it's plain as plain." He yelled.

"President Snow only told me last week! And I didn't tell you because I couldn't face you, after the way I hurt you. But don't you see Peeta? We're going to have to get married. And have…" I swallowed. "…Children." He stared at me, tears streaking down his pale cheeks.

"Fuck it. Fuck them. And Fuck you Katniss Everdeen."

_Haymitch_

The train drew up at the station of district 11. Katniss emerged, her eyes red. My heart throbbed. Peeta emerged shortly after. And to be perfectly honest, I have seen a rock with more expression than him. Something big had happened, I was desperate to know, but I didn't probe for information. It was probably best to try and help them get over it as soon as possible, because they were about to face the people of district 11.

"You guys feel you're ready?" Katniss stared at me absently. Peeta scowled.

"No."

"Loving the spirit." I sighed. I took a deep swig of whisky, before meeting Peeta's glare.

"What?" I grunted.

"Can't you stay sober for at least one hour?" I scratched my head thoughtfully.

"Nope." I confirmed, taking another gulp. We were bundled off the train by Effie and were met by the press. Sometimes, it took all I had to not strangle the lot of them. They do my head in, they really do. After several brief interviews, we were ushered inside a cab. You don't even have to walk, you just get shoved everywhere. I was pretty used to it. Suddenly I noticed the awkward way we were seated in the cab. Effie sat opposite us, whittering down the phone in her usual manor. Peeta was sat on the left of Katniss, frowning out the window. I was squashed on Katniss' right. I could feel her body heat, pressed closely into mine. My heart began to race.

"I don't know if I can do this Haymitch." She suddenly whispered. Her breath smelt of fresh jasmine. I haven't smelt jasmine in a very long time.

"Well sweetheart, there's nothing I can do about it." She sighed.

"You're right, I'll manage somehow." She muttered uncertainly.

"Of course you will." I replied winking. Just talking to her made my heart ache. I took another swig of whisky, feeling the heat slide down my throat. My eyes closed, trying to forget the fact the person I was falling for, only knew me as a drunkard. I was unaware of the fact I was gripping her hand with all I had.

But Peeta was.

"Why are you holding hands?" He asked dubiously. My eyes snapped open with realisation. Effie's stopped nattering, and her eyes fell upon our entwined hands with surprise. Before I could pull my hand away and think of some pathetic excuse, Katniss' turned and looked Peeta straight in the eye.

"Why not?"

**a/n I know, I know, I really need to start lengthening the chapters, but I promised the next one will be nice and long ;) Sorry for being slow again, I'm just a slow person ;3 Anyways I hope you enjoyed and please review! xD**

**~Verity~ **


	5. Chapter 5

**.a/n VERY late once again, I know. Nothing else to say but sorry and enjoy ;3**

Chapter 4. Silence

_Katniss_

That journey to the Justice building felt like _years. _I could feel Haymitch's clammy hand, grasping onto mine. I'd disturbed the atmosphere of the cab, Effie was glaring at me suspiciously, and Peeta was purely confused. I didn't even have to look at him to know he was. _I_ was confused. What was going on here? It was obviously just a symbol of friendship – sympathy. Or was it? It was hard to tell.

Haymitch can be very unpredictable.

When we finally did arrive at the Justice Building, I already felt worn out. I finally released my fingers from Haymitch, receiving a dubious 'eye flicker' from him in response. We were shown into our rooms with a warning of one hour until the opening dinner. Then I was alone again. I began to wander aimlessly around the room. It was a bit plain – polished floor boards, yellow walls and a brass bed with plumped pillows. It felt old and disused. I felt the same. I found myself collapsing on my bed, I had nothing better to do. I gazed up at the ceiling, puzzling, wondering, _dreaming_. Peeta was there. I could _feel_ him. I sat up slowly, he was hovering by the door. He had an apprehensive look among his features – as if I was about to lash out like a wildcat. Maybe I was.

"Silence. It isn't the best way to communicate ones thoughts." My voice stung the peace like a wasp.

"Unless ones thoughts are as demanding and hurtful as mine. Then sometimes, silence is." He responded quietly. As I took a moment to ponder his reply, he glided over to my dresser and began to trace the carving of the worn wood. I watched him for a while, unsure of how to avoid this inescapable topic. I felt the heat of the stress rising and rising until I stood up.

"Why must I always be…_interrogated_? About everything? I can do what I want, I have a life – _friends_." I exploded – secretly emphasising on the word friends. Peeta, of course, had known my eruption was coming yet he didn't flinch or twitch, he just continued tracing the carving.

"Friends." He murmured – experimenting with the word. He finally snapped out of his cool and breezed over to me.

"What even was that with Haymitch in the car? Was that some kind of sick joke?" He hissed. I glared up at him – anger boiling, why did he care so much?

"That was friendship, Peeta – something you obviously don't have. Haymitch did kind of save our lives, in case you had forgotten! What is it with you? You've changed so much since the games." He winced and for once he didn't disguise it. He sighed, the anger draining from him.

"I don't know Katniss. I guess it's the tour bringing back unwanted memories and it's just you. Your presence makes it unbearable – I know you can't help it, but it just hurts so much." He whispered, tears dewing in his eyes. He gently touched my cheek, before gliding out of the room. I felt stunned into misery. Everything was getting worse and worse and it was entirely my point.

By the time Cinna and his prep team had finished making me look 'magical' I was still feeling down-hearted. Cinna had dressed me up in this amazing midnight blue dress which flowed to the floor and had sequins sewn onto the body like stars. I gave him a quick hug and whispered.

"I don't know what to do." He nodded knowingly, although he had no idea of what was going on. When it was time to go to the dining hall of the main dinner, I was feeling jumpy. I had so many worries crammed into my mind, Peeta, Haymitch, President Snow, Rue's family, the other tribute's families. Effie met me at the door in a crazy orange number. She wasn't as peppy as usual, but she was trying to disguise it. We were a met by a tall, mournful, looking man called Mayor Thomas. He introduced himself quietly, nodding vaguely in my direction before hurrying off muttering.

"What's his problem?" I questioned, nudging Effie. She rubbed her ribs, glaring.

"How should I know? Come along Katniss lets go meet Peeta and _Haymitch_." I pretended not to notice her emphasis on his name.

Peeta was wearing a pale grey waistcoat tux and Haymitch was in a dark black suit. We nodded stiffly at each other and I caught Haymitch's eye before we entered the noisy hall. There was a big banquet, but you could tell they had scavenged the lands for a feast of this proportion. We weren't stupid. We'd all seen the hungry people working hard as we'd entered the district and this feast wasn't a fraction in comparison to the foods the Capitol produced. But the people in attendance had huge, foolish grins on their faces, and everyone jostled about, making conversation. Every time someone spoke to you, you could see their sufferance and pain, you could feel the coldness of their emotion in each conversation. Thankfully Rue and Thresh's families weren't here today, but we would have to brave them tomorrow. Haymitch squeezed my arm encouragingly half way through. Electricity pounded through my veins.

"How are you doing?" He whispered discreetly, smiling around at passers-by.

"Fantastically." I murmured sarcastically. His face layered with concern, but I decided to ignore him and I went to talk to the mayor.

"So how are things in district 11, Mr Thomas?" I began shakily, still recovering from Haymitch's touch.

"Please call me Fred, Katniss. Things are… amiable. The people work hard, and scrape by, just. But it's tough. I suppose you would know - I've heard district 12 isn't the easiest of places to live." I listened intently; it was rare to receive any information of other districts, so any source of information was always vital and useful to know.

"Your right, it is difficult. Not everyone 'scrapes by'" I replied, whispering at the end. Spies from the Capitol were probably skulking around, and the camera crew. I couldn't get even further on the wrong side of President Snow. He looked around and leaned in closer to me.

"I wasn't being truthful, Katniss. Not everyone scrapes by. In fact practically no one does. I have no idea what to do. We're losing hundreds a day – and not just to hunger." He hissed.

"Peace keepers." I finished for him, anger boiling inside of me.

"We're lucky in district 12, we have kind ones. I didn't know you had it so badly here!" He nodded, lowering his head.

"And they're getting worse. _Increasingly_ worse. Ever since Snow has mentioned these…" He hesitated, looking around once more. "_Uprisings._"He barely said the word, he was so afraid of being caught. " – they've been increasing the punishment rates…severely. I don't know what to do Katniss, you have to help us!" His whispers began to sound more panicky.

"Peeta and I, we're trying to fix this, we truly are. But it's not very easy Mr… Fred. But we'll sort it somehow. I promise."

Promises are sometimes agonisingly difficult to for fill. But I was going to keep this one, even if it killed me. Literally.

I was curled up in bed, in the dark. Before the games, I'd adored sleep, it was so numbing – stress free. Now I dread it. Reliving every moment, _vividly, _of the games every night – was not fun. Yet I had to sleep, no matter how much I despised it, it provides one great thing – strength. And one lesson I'd learned during the games that strength isn't just a necessity, it's _essential_. I began to toss around, tangling the old sheets up into a knot. I felt so alone, unsure. Suddenly, there was a creak and the door was eased open. Panicking, I squeezed my eyes shut, praying for it to be my imagination. I felt the old bed groan in protest as someone slipped in, thank goodness I was wearing my pyjamas! There was a long silence, and just when I was about to let out a scream he spoke.

"Do you still get the nightmares? I do." He murmured softly. Haymitch. Haymitch! Haymitch was in my bed! Without opening my eyes, I whispered.

"What are you doing here?" I was trying my hardest to keep calm, but it was incredibly difficult.

"I had to know. I know Peeta does, he told me. I hear you scream, but I had to know if it was about the games." This was the craziest situation in the world, yet I felt relaxed… What's wrong with me? I rolled over and locked my eyes with his.

"Of course I do. It's an inescapable factor of being a tribute, right?" He watched me, his eyes glistening.

"Right." He confirmed. "But why is everything else, so - so wrong?" He mumbled. I doubted this was the same subject about being a tribute, but I didn't dare question it.

"You can't change fate Haymitch. It's impossible." I closed my eyes tight, not wanting to see his reaction. "But you can change your feelings. If you try very hard." I heard a sharp intake of breath from his direction. There was a short silence before he responded.

"Are you trying, Katniss?" I could barely pick out the words, he was so quiet.

"I don't even have to. My feelings have always belonged to one person, yet I barely even knew until now." I opened my eyes to see tears slipping down Haymitch's cheeks. He began to edge closer and closer to me. My heart started hammering, it was like a drum roll in a parade. Slowly but surely, we closed the gap between our lips, and we kissed.

It wasn't like kissing Gale, that didn't feel real enough.

It wasn't like kissing Peeta, that didn't feel right.

But kissing Haymitch was so real and so right; it was as if I was being brought back to life from death.

It was sensational.

**a/n Wow! They finally kissed…yay? So sorry I take so long to update, but at least this was a reasonably long chapter. Will TRY to update ASAP, but no promises xD**

**~Verity~**


End file.
